But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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