All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
