Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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