I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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