I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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