I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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