Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
