Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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