you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
