Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize