I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
