I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
