You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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