need another drink. this is the easiest way
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
