the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
