so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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