Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
