thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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