Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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