I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
