I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize