I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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