Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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