i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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