All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
