Can Purell be used as lube?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
