just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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