At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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