I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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