Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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