You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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