She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
