I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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