chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
3pm strippers are depressing
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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