What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
