Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
