Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize