she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
