i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
