As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
