This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
