arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
