shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We had sex on a dog bed..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
