i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
