So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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