It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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