i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
