every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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