my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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