I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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