Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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