As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
