It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
