just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
