You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
