Do vagina's smell?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
