"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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