I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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