Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
