i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
