i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
