Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
