this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
