YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
