I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
