Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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