i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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