Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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