You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize
