Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
