I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
